I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
