ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize