i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Im part way to drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
