i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
