Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
