I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
