Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
