On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize