Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
