why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
