i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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