My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
