Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
