Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
