it's not cheating when I paid for it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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