Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
