I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
