I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
