So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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