Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
