I'm so fucking centered right now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize