ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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