So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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