I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
