It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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