I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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