1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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