So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
