i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
