Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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