Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
