Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
