apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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