ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize