Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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