Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
