So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize