what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
