I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
