so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize