Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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