Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I supernannyed him into submission
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
