Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
