u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
