I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
