So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
