I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
