you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
