I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
