plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
