I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
