a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
