Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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