Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
