i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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