I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
