i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
please don't ironically join a cult
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