A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
