Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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