What a fucking waste of an outfit
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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