i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
