i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
