His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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