Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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