Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
