I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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