I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
