I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
