I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My bed smells like the plague
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