I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
