We won't sleep together?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
