Don't you send me to vm
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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