he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
