i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
