The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I love you.
Bad choice
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
