I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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