I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
