the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We are all done wearing pants today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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