i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's always time for handjobs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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