My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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