maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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