I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
