so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
